1. The practical approach to the process in 4 steps

The proposed 4-step process is a practical one, focused on achieving the goal: obtaining and maintaining inner peace. As exponents of current culture and civilization, we want to understand Why? we do one thing or another How does it work? things, that is the better option or the easier version, we want to negotiate a "discount", a reduction in effort, a shortening of time, etc. The recommended approach is rather an entrepreneurial one: "Do and you will know!". I suggest that you invest your energy in diligently taking the steps and, by the time you have searched for information and analyzed and drawn conclusions, and... much more, you will already see improvements! Of course, there are explanations why the described process is a good one, and you can find reasons for both success and failure, but since it is for your own good, do you want to do something better or have a lot of explanations?

  2. Support

Just one piece of advice before you start: how quickly you get somewhere and how you feel on the road depends a lot on the company you have. In your endeavor, you can receive help from a relative, a friend, your life partner or even a colleague. Share the fact that you practice this method that will help you become calmer, better, more attentive and ask for help. Even better, if you know someone who wants to achieve inner peace and is interested in following the 4-step process, team up. The process is developmental staff but you can help and encourage each other a lot. A support of "specialty" it is also very useful: a coach, a counselor, a clergyman can be your support and even more, they can help you find the way in certain moments. Not you need by no one to implement this process, but help is useful and welcome.

  3. What happens to me

The 4-step process gives results both when emotion takes control and when certain thoughts consume you. Both situations occur involuntarily and absorb your attention and energy. When you get angry, stressed or panicked, your goal becomes to solve the problem, either by taking it out on someone or even yourself, or by trying to remove the perceived danger, or simply by looking for a solution that doesn't come and never will. . It's time to realize that "Hey, something is wrong!". The same in the case of dark thoughts that don't leave you alone, when you return to them again and again without wanting to, when you can't rest or have quality social interactions. The first step of this process is: to realize as soon as possible that something is happening to you, the sooner the better.

  4. Emotions

Strong emotions take control in special situations but also in common situations, which are repeated: your boss stresses you out, colleagues harass you, fussy children upset you, some traffic drivers annoy you, neighbors who throw parties, football teammates, politicians, athletes with whom you keep and who lose matches, etc., etc. Then you become so agitated, you are ready to fight, fight, yell and become aggressive, subversive, ironic. You realize late that it wasn't you, normally you wouldn't have done that or said those things. There is definitely a difference between the situations: it may seem more legitimate to suffer because of a death in the family than because of a disrespectful driver in traffic. Especially since you realize that it makes no sense to get angry, that you are hurting yourself for nothing, and yet, you cannot control yourself, even though you have gone through these experiences many times. The good news is that the 4-step process works for all these situations, and in the case of recurrent situations, the evolution will be even more easily visible.

How can you realize that emotion is taking over you when you are absorbed and see everything through the prism of that state? The information about the fact that something is happening can be found both inside and outside and, with training, you will find it out faster and faster. 

a. Body signals

You will find the emotions in your own body, because strong emotion is a reaction of the body. Even if you have no training at the beginning, you will be able to identify them quickly because usually a person's body reacts similarly to similar emotions, regardless of the stimulus that triggered the emotion. Look for the manifestations that you have seen in yourself, such as: your heart rate increases, your palms sweat, your cheeks turn red, the tips of your ears, your fists clench, "the blood rises to your head", "you see red in front of your eyes" and others that of course you know. Be vigilant and you will discover the body's signals, thus you have already taken the first step: you have realized that something is happening to you. It is very useful to always feel your body to some extent, even if you are engaged in discussions, work or fun. Stay attentive to your body, just as a driver stays attentive to the car even if he is talking to the passengers or making his day's plan in his mind. The body is the most honest indicator of your reactions.

b. "Mirrors"

I am not referring to physical mirrors, although they can be useful for determining bodily changes. I am referring here to the recommendation made at the beginning, to use the help you can get from others. Here their help is very important because someone who knows you can very quickly notice the change in state you are going through and can give you feed-back: to "pull your sleeve" so that you become attentive, aware of the fact that something happens

It is very important how you pay attention because being under the effect of a strong emotion any remark, otherwise trivial, can have the effect of amplifying the negative state instead of helping to stabilize and reduce its intensity. So I recommend you to work with a record or a "password": probably many of you had fun with the KEMS game, so you are no stranger to working in a team based on a record. The sign can be a sign, a word, a phrase, a combination. Sometimes you don't even need a record, you can read in the eyes of your teammate that "it's not good". Thank the one who helps you and show him that his support is important and even decisive in successfully achieving your inner peace.

  5. Spiral of thoughts - emotions

Many times, after the emotion passes, thoughts return: the residual emotion returns like a shadow, you wonder "how could he do this to me?", you accuse and accuse yourself, apologize and blame others. The emotion grows and consumes you again, at a lower intensity than the first time. Then, after a while, the thoughts come back, and you relive the emotion, and so on, like an echo that is heard several times, weaker and weaker, before it disappears. In more serious situations, it does not disappear, it always comes back, it always torments you. Be alert to these thoughts, even if the emotion has not yet appeared or is of low intensity: when you notice that they appear, you have already taken the first step of the process. How to do this? The same solutions inside and outside:

a. Interior: follow your thoughts: as in the case of emotions, you can stay anchored by watching what is happening in your mind, "what movie is playing" on the inner screen. A small state of discomfort, the desire to do something to "get rid of thoughts" can be very good indicators that an unpleasant thought is trying to grab your attention and energy. You can keep a "thought journal" in which you write down your thoughts, or their type: draw a few columns: accusatory, vengeful, grateful, desires (things, recognition, ..) and mark in the respective column every time it comes to you a thought of a certain kind. The fact that you have to write this down will make you alert.

b. Outside: work with someone who often asks you what you're thinking. Without judging or criticizing you, just to get you out of your thoughts and bring you to the first step of the process. When he sees that you are becoming absent, it is a very good moment to attract your attention with calmness and empathy.

Like any skill you want to acquire, the 4-step process will yield better and better results as you apply it repeatedly. The first step, perhaps more difficult at first, will be completed in a fraction of a second as you train. In some cases immediately after the emotion or thought took over, in others even before that!

Peace and tranquility existed and always exist in you, you just have to train yourself to find them when needed. Don't forget that by becoming better you will help others, directly or indirectly, to do this!

Success!

 Continue with Step 2: It's inside