1. It only happens to you and now

Notice how the things said or done by others, which "took you off your feet", affect others around you little or not at all. It's not that they don't understand the seriousness of the situation or that they are numb, those things simply don't generate the same reactions, but much more moderate ones. In meetings, not all people react the same way to the same speeches, in traffic some drivers just smile confused when you feel like yelling and honking your horn, your life partner seems a little affected by the scratch on the door that seems like the "grand canyon" to you . Convince yourself of this by asking for feed-back. Ask others how they see the same situation, what emotion it arouses, what thoughts it generates. Remember that you can get valuable help from those who are with you in implementing the 4-step process.

Realize how you react differently in different situations: the same words from the mouth of someone close mean much more emotion than from the mouth of a stranger, something or someone that last year would have left you indifferent now makes you "jump up" at the first word. Pressing on a still open "wound" makes you suffer more, on older ones it doesn't impress you, although the stimulus is similar. It is not the stimulus that dictates the reaction, but the way you perceive it.

"The world" has no problem, only you have one: the people around you do not understand your problem and go about their business unhindered, nature is the same as before, the sun shines the same, the rain falls on everyone in the same way. When you realize that you don't feel guilty or accused, you just have to understand that people don't have the power to make you feel stupid unless you choose to give them that power. You can also stop doing this.

  2. Taking responsibility

If it is somewhat obvious about thoughts that they manifest inside us, sometimes it is not easy to accept this reality when it comes to emotions. We are inclined to blame others, to look for solutions externally: when all the drivers in the traffic will behave correctly I will be ok, when I will change my boss I will feel good, when I will have a higher income I will not still had problems, etc. Of course, when you are calm, some of these ideas seem downright comical, but others are justified by a thousand reasons, from the desire not to assume responsibility. Because this means that, in fact, you are responsible and not the world around you. And that means you're not as good as you've spent years trying to make yourself believe you are. Moreover, it means that you have to do something, not someone else, to solve the situation. Hmm, not exactly comfortable, is it? At the same time, this is also the good news: it means that it is within your power to change this belief system and go through the 4-step process to find your inner peace.

  3. Aggravating factors

You can overlook when someone makes offensive signs to you in traffic because you are calm, rested, positive, but other times a simple look from another driver makes you rage because you are in a hurry and you already feel the accusations you think you will receive because you are late somewhere. If your wife, child, parents upset you, you will certainly have a greater risk of "getting out of your mind", reacting negatively, or filling your mind with unpleasant thoughts. But there can also be more important events that affect you for a longer period of time: health problems of your own or in the family, financial problems, etc. Understanding the aggravating factors can help you even by excluding them, if this is possible, or by understanding the fact that you are overreacting for reasons other than those implicit in the actual situation. The overreaction is clearly about you, so things happen internally, right?

  4. Change of perspective

Think about similar events in your past, how important they seemed at the time and how unimportant they seem to you now. You've been in hundreds of sessions where you "consumed" yourself a lot, how important do you think they are now? You probably won't even remember the drivers in the traffic who annoyed you so much in the past that you lost your temper. The children have grown up and what was once dramatic is now a joke.

It can help you see the respective problem from the perspective of your whole life, with all kinds of situations you have encountered. Is the current one really a matter of life and death, so that it consumes you so much? You will certainly find a lot of different circumstances or events that can make the respective situation completely insignificant.

What for you seems of colossal importance, the only way to exist at that moment, for someone passing in an airplane is nothing. He sees hundreds of houses and thousands of people, a lot of dramas are there, each extremely important for that man, but only for him. In the whole of life on Earth, the respective problem is not even visible. This is clear to the aviator.

From any other point of view you look at the situation, with the exception of yours at that moment, things are much less serious. You give power and, consequently, you can leave powerless

  5. Training

So that you can quickly apply these techniques, it is useful to "train" you in silence, where you feel safe and can explore your thoughts and emotions. Verify the truth of Step 2 through your own past experiences. It can be uncomfortable at times, so it's good to start exploring with simpler, more frivolous past situations, and then move on to some that you feel are more "painful". As you become convinced of the fact that they lived and generated problems only in you, it will be easier and easier for you to take this step "live", in real situations, in a fraction of a second.

The more you recognize and accept that both the problem and the solution are within you, the faster the healing process will begin. All problems must first be solved internally, then solving them externally will become easy or even completely unnecessary.

Peace and tranquility existed and always exist in you, you just have to train yourself to find them when needed. Don't forget that by becoming better you will help others, directly or indirectly, to do this!

Success!

 Continue with Step 3: De-identification